tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10307066483131750822024-03-13T02:46:58.286-06:00Happiness is Possible!From being controlled by Ana and Mia to getting through recovery to control it all. It's a battle that will never truly end.Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.comBlogger68125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-71491182759281628772012-07-12T14:11:00.000-06:002012-07-12T14:11:06.435-06:00hide no moreim no longer hiding who i am. i am leavig this blog behind as it is too ard for me too see my old posts and stay heathy. checkout my new blog at www.pleasehelpmediary.blogspot.com
stay strong everyone!
sincerely, Maxie (happiness)Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-17683516382560022272011-07-17T22:34:00.000-06:002011-07-17T22:34:00.903-06:00even if ur not at the bottom u can still want to go back up!KD took me out to dinner last night! red lobster 4 course dinner, soup, salad, main dinner thing and then a triple chocolate dessert! YUMMMMM!!!!! i didnt finish it all i had to take a bit home and i ate it later thaat night, both of us were so full we just laid down for like 2 hours after! :P
man i love him!
im doing good, food wise.... today i bought a doughnut, no second thoughts. &Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-51452982798533590322011-07-10T10:44:00.000-06:002011-07-10T10:44:14.249-06:00sweet!!!up to 116!!!! :D
went to the spaghetti factory last night and ate as much as i could fit in my tummy! then woke up this morning and had a huge breakfast with the family. :)
im excited, im hoping to gain 2 more pounds before my weight in on monday at program. im still sick but im just forcing as much of the daily cals down my throat as i can.
i did have a bit of Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-65211180442323997752011-07-08T10:20:00.000-06:002011-07-08T10:20:46.925-06:00to katie: dont be sorry for being urself. i know wat its like not to want to be around people and i will recover and so will u! dont bejealous that those girls are getting out b/c they are doing bad, be happy that u rnt doing bad!
to dani: u can get help but its gonna be harder, get a friend to help u. do ur research. help urself. it feels so much nicer to be happy and not having to worry all Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-7298659497706800772011-07-05T10:23:00.000-06:002011-07-05T10:23:48.843-06:00I'm back, and i brought my WHOLE body with me!hey everyone! i don't care if u stop following me or anything like that but from now on my blog is about recovery! I finished program 2 weeks before i graduated high school and so far i've been doing good. KD and i are in love and really he helps me so much! im glad i told him! he helps me through bad thoughts, big meals, urges and my still recovery from the drug addiction.
Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-1800378917730145222011-04-24T11:53:00.000-06:002011-04-24T11:53:07.529-06:00thoughts in a momentrent are killing me slowly,
cocaine is life,
eating makes you fat and unwanted,
friends are temporary,
boys are good for sex,
have no feelings or be punished,
wait "talk back!"
rents are trying to help, not their fault they are dumb.
coke did nothing for me and ruined my life
eating is necessary to survive, ur attitude makes u unwanted
friends are only in ur life if u let them be
boys Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-61241649505336020492011-04-16T22:46:00.000-06:002011-04-16T22:46:48.553-06:00my fat ass tummy!!!!so went to KD's today.... usually when im there its a super light dinner and i can get away with picking how much i want.... KD took me to tim hortons! bought me the chilli combo with a whole wheat roll and a doughnut!!! WTF!!!!! but i'm really trying to eat and purging chillly would have been death! so i had some of the chilli then tried to like 'playfully' feed him the rest so i didnt Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-37959212966827041332011-04-04T06:01:00.000-06:002011-04-04T06:01:25.912-06:00thinsposome new thinspo i had found! i think this are just so amazing!!!
Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-24876913094356056902011-04-03T14:46:00.000-06:002011-04-03T14:46:20.592-06:00end of the first weekits sunday which means its been one week since i was biting my nails down terrified for Day Program. the girls just call it program. the week was spring break so there was no school there but ill give a review of wat we did.
get there at like 8am - breakfast as a group once everyone is there - then we got free time for a bit - then snack as a group - either free time or like a Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-43840570534964522422011-03-25T21:56:00.000-06:002011-03-25T21:56:18.141-06:00and so it begins...i start monday morning at 8am
since its spring break there is no school part and it ends early at 4pm every day that week
i miss my whole spring break still though!
told my teachers, they looked at me like i was some sad puppy that they just walk right by in the window of a store. i told my guidance counselor because she has to be the one in contact with the Day Program people. Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-10990193132921893302011-03-18T14:22:00.000-06:002011-03-18T14:22:52.871-06:00clarificationbefore i had mentioned how this blog was found by my cousin, well as i am reposted she thought i didnt know she was stilll reading it. i knew she was and i will not have my self censored, if my parents knew i had this and were to read it as well i wouldnt care. i have no longer anything to hide. my thoughts are not gonna change over night if they even do. my actions are not Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-3852214684573146302011-03-02T13:54:00.000-06:002011-03-02T13:54:00.518-06:00maybe i will survive!wow u guys are smart!
deff i dont want any potatos! but see i hate everything... like idk wat i hate until someone says it...
bananas, potatos and.... red meat.
goal is to gain muscle instead of fat.... thats healthy! right? so ill eat w/e they want me too b/c ill purge it all when i get home (yeah i know my body has already taken the cals but i dont even want the physical food in me!) then workHappiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-88024324198831884712011-03-01T13:39:00.000-06:002011-03-01T13:39:50.289-06:00i feel less alone with you allim glad u guys are up for hearing about recovery, who knows, it might even work :P
eh im trying, i do want to be normal... just not fat....
btw they do not let u be vegetarian or vegan.
only allergies are wat they will let u not eat, but u do get to pick 3 foods u dont want to eat
3 and only 3
idk wat to pick!!! GIVE ME IDEAS!!!! HELP!!!! :(
and u cant exercise.. like of course i've Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-11932174814615258902011-02-27T12:17:00.000-06:002011-02-27T12:17:58.517-06:00and the ranting starts!URG! ok so u knwo wat, imma tell ya'll about treatment k!
its fuckign stupid. they try to get ur parents to work very closely with u but when ur parents are the worst help there is it does more damage then help!
they gave me a lot of like paper work and shit to read, its dumb but if u guys want i can make a seperate page for just the info they give me. maybe it'll help anyone looking to Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-91416522248333554252011-02-26T15:37:00.000-06:002011-02-26T15:37:41.550-06:00i miss u :'(urg k i start treatment soon, i cant get out of it now! FUCK!!! boo
eh w/e i fit size 0's now!
here is a pic i took today of me in them:
my thighs no longer touch, i fit size zero and i got a flat tummy.......... yet i look in the mirror and see so much fat on me!
my stumach is flat but i want it to not be squishy... then it'll be perfect! and the legs are slimmer yes.... but they still jiggleHappiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-85731627383758571062011-01-24T14:40:00.001-06:002011-01-24T14:40:18.341-06:00shhhhhhhhhhhh................for any one who hasnt given up on my blog, thank u, i shouldnt be on it....... but i just wanted to update it, maybe for myself, maybe for u, i dont know......
im a size 1.... i dont know my weight....... 10 days till im put in treatment...........
going down to a size 0..............
hope everyone is staying safe and happy
KD and i are gonna be perfect together <3Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-210559255648996562010-12-24T10:59:00.000-06:002010-12-24T10:59:12.372-06:00foundmy blog has been found by my cousin
im leaving for good
KD and i are going to last forever
i'm gonna get better, and im gonna get help
3 inches until a size one and 5 pounds from 100......
i'm gonna be healthy and happy, because i deserve it
and so do all of u!
get help, be truly happy!
ill see u all in my dreams i guess......Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-75271606366266784162010-12-11T00:31:00.000-06:002010-12-11T00:31:36.547-06:00im sorry...im going away for a bit..... im very sorry to waste everyones time...... me and KD are in love..... i need to be perfect, i need to be pure
i need to be beautiful.............
ill be back..... maybe
if i deserve it
new years in 21 days
6 pounds to go..... i have no life anymore
i just lay with him
i miss school
work
friends
living
its consumed me............. im going away for Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-5587636254002427482010-12-02T13:28:00.000-06:002010-12-02T13:28:55.401-06:00an all day post...i dont got much to say so im probably gonna be writing this all day
its like noon now and i got home from school, took a shower and now salt flushing!
this morning at school i swear i almost broke down and cried in class! i actually cant handle the people there... like k i sit with the russian israelis in my math class because i dont know i guess i'm friends with them.... but they treat me like Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-33106014173527006472010-12-01T10:40:00.000-06:002010-12-01T10:40:34.043-06:00not all of me came back....i'm sorry for just ditching everyone like that... i actually couldnt feel worse. im spending all night tonight catching up on blogs.
i had another minor break down... smashed my scale, tore up my journals, and burnt some pictures of thinspo i could find in the moment.... parents seriously want me committed.....
thats why i had to leave, i needed to think. i baked, a lot. 2 apple pies, 1 Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-55079161504717476662010-11-24T09:58:00.000-06:002010-11-24T09:58:42.975-06:00u dont actually have to read this one (its just a weird dream i had, nothing important just sayin :P)ok so this post isnt really that interesting or necessary but i REALLY wanted u guys to know! i had THE WEIRDEST dream last night!!!!! like k so im at home sitting in my bed and the doorbell rings... guess who it is... YOU! like actually it was just a girl with black hair and she was really skinny and she says to me "happiness??? OMG!!! it is u! oh wow i cant believe i found u!" after i Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-1520250434863233172010-11-24T00:07:00.001-06:002010-11-24T09:21:08.280-06:00who is up for a good laugh???lol k so i know that my last few posts where very... upsetting and thank u all for caring so much about me! i've been skipping my happy pills and getting back to my old self has been a little bit of a roller coaster ride :P
had my date with chef tonight! and im so ready to post the most hilarious blog post ever.... i got 'hurt' during sex today :P
ok ok i know i wasnt gonna have sex, Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-68438206436509032912010-11-22T22:40:00.000-06:002010-11-22T22:40:52.820-06:00scared half to death?i weighed myself this morning and was down to 107 so im like "oh ok well then if i eat like nothing today ill be down to 100 in no time!" so i didnt go to school but had work at about 12:30pm, tookmy morning meds (including the new diet meds) and then had coffee (6 cups, 30 cals).... turns out i didnt have work so i got there, took my other dose of diet pills and then headed back home... here is Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-91511927556257497692010-11-21T20:00:00.001-06:002010-11-22T10:24:36.108-06:00not. handling, well....hey, gots a new follower! well if u were hoping to read a happy post im very sorry to disappoint......
convention wasnt as terrible as i thought... i did eat (which means i did not see chef today) but i kept under 1,000 cals each day. today i am at 166 cals [few sips of apple juice, a cucumber, and 2 cups of broccoli] and im not going to go past 200 cals for the next week.... got Happiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030706648313175082.post-9235428628211275392010-11-19T11:13:00.000-06:002010-11-19T11:13:23.918-06:00insanity at its finest :Dok so i had my appointment today to get evaluated for actual help for all this CRAP! and i have been refered to a bunch of ED doctors and addiction doctors and depression doctors and all this CRAP! basically right now the only thing keeping me from breaking down from all of this happening too fast is those damn happy pills! im going crazy in my head, i cant stop shaking and i got a convention allHappiness is possiblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08367923849439428425noreply@blogger.com6