To whom it may concern....

dont be stupid! who the hell WANTS an eating disorder??? I went through 3 months of day treatment at the hospital and i was there for the least amount of time i could. I am now fighting every day to live! dont be stupid, love ur body before its too late!


- me and KD are still together, over 7 months and we are going really good
- im out of treatment and trying my best to give myself a future!
- this blog is now 100% about recovery and if u ever want to say anything or ask anything have no fear! u will never be yelled at for ur thoughts!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

hide no more

im no longer hiding who i am. i am leavig this blog behind as it is too ard for me too see my old posts and stay heathy.  checkout my new blog at

stay strong everyone!

sincerely, Maxie (happiness)

Sunday, July 17, 2011

even if ur not at the bottom u can still want to go back up!

KD took me out to dinner last night! red lobster 4 course dinner, soup, salad, main dinner thing and then a triple chocolate dessert! YUMMMMM!!!!!  i didnt finish it all i had to take a bit home and i ate it later thaat night, both of us were so full we just laid down for like 2 hours after! :P

man i love him!

im doing good, food wise.... today i bought a doughnut, no second thoughts.  but me and KD seem to be getting to a wall again.... he got a new phone, that has internet and all that jazz.... and he put a password on it.  he refuses to tell me the password or play on his phone without him "supervising me" and i cant go into his texts, calls or his facebook. he deletes everything on his phone every couple hours anyways.

i dont know, im obviously just over thinking things....

he was really annoyed of me so he asked if he could hang up and go to bed, then he called me back and said he was sorry for being rude he is jsut frustrated and doesnt know why he is but he loves me and will talk to me tomorrow.

i do love him but he needs out of that house! his family is driving him actually insane, i promise u guys that u cant even understand how much he has to deal with! he is the most amazing guy i've ever known to go through all that and not do drugs, or drink stupid or anythign! :P

i love him, we have a plan.  i'm moving into residence at school in a month and a half.  by then hopefully i have my license and so will he.  if not then he has until november without having to deal with the winter driving.

then he is off work for the winter to get his GED.  by febuary i'm hoping he will be ready to move into his own place, then im off school in april and i will move in with him.  i love him i really do and i know that once he is out of that house me and him will have no more problems!

i'm taking courses for management and psycology... i do wanna help people but i dont have the money to become anything that would be able to help legally :S

Sunday, July 10, 2011


up to 116!!!! :D
 went to the spaghetti factory last night and ate as much as i could fit in my tummy! then woke up this morning and had a huge breakfast with the family.  :)

im excited, im hoping to gain 2 more pounds before my weight in on monday at program.  im still sick but im just forcing as much of the daily cals down my throat as i can.

i did have a bit of trouble at the restaurant last night. my whole family came, like cousins from outta town and my dad and step mom picked me and my sister up and we went with my in town fam and the toronto fam.  13 people at one table.  i dont know i jsut had a lot of bad thoughts about that i ate so much and everyone was thinking that about me.... i called up KD and he talked me down. but he still thinks its stupid that i even have bad thoughts still..... i know he is trying to help me but he doesnt get it that its a log process and that i've been trying to rush it for him... i'm starting to get worried that i rushed through recovery too quick and its gonna catch up with me later....

i guess only way to see is to wait.  for now im jsut happy he is there to help me. and my dad and step mom are very supportive. my mother is not but eh, she tries her best..... :S