To whom it may concern....

dont be stupid! who the hell WANTS an eating disorder??? I went through 3 months of day treatment at the hospital and i was there for the least amount of time i could. I am now fighting every day to live! dont be stupid, love ur body before its too late!

QUICK NEWS!!!:

- me and KD are still together, over 7 months and we are going really good
- im out of treatment and trying my best to give myself a future!
- this blog is now 100% about recovery and if u ever want to say anything or ask anything have no fear! u will never be yelled at for ur thoughts!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

and the ranting starts!

URG! ok so u knwo wat, imma tell ya'll about treatment k!

its fuckign stupid.  they try to get ur parents to work very closely with u but when ur parents are the worst help there is it does more damage then help!

they gave me a lot of like paper work and shit to read, its dumb but if u guys want i can make a seperate page for just the info they give me. maybe it'll help anyone looking to recover.....

i do want to be normal, i want to be naturally thin, eat watever i want and not care if i gain a bit b/c i'd be a twig and who woudl even notice! thats wat i want... sadly thats not wat im gonan get... they said i have to gain like 15-20 pounds just to be in the right weight for my genetic code or w/e

its dumb

so far the plan im on and wil be on is 3 meals a day and 3 snacks

breakfast-snack-lunch-snack-dinner-snack

and no the meals cant be snacks! they gotta be legit MEALS!

and im not allowed to say 'i dont eat that' there are no 'bad foods' or 'safe foods'

right now everything is at home with a check up every thursday, but they are puttin me in a program called 'day program' monday-friday 8am-5pm........
id be taken outta school and do my work there.... id be with other ppl in recovery and i would have to participate in the group therapy....

im scared as fuck! i saw one of the girls who is there and she is so much thinner and so much prettier then me! wat if they think im faking b/c im so fat!
they will al think that im too fat to get help, i wish i was thinner before this happened.. im really not sick enough to go! this is just stupid!


KD knows.... knows everything.... he says he'll never leave me and he'll love me forever no matter wat.... i wish he didnt find out but my cousin told him... i guess its better that he knows now and not after i get really fat. he says he'll still love me if im fat but i know he wont ever looks at me the same, he wont want my body he wont pick me up as he does he wont love me the same...he hasnt seen me naked yet.. too scared.. we just 'be together' with clothes....

idk ill update later, but let me knwo if u want me to post the stuff that they are teaching me or not. maybe it would jsut be nice to know even if u dont feel like geting help jsut yet, trust me i dont blame u :P

4 comments:

Dani said...

i heard of day programs b4 the one hospital like 45 mins away from me does it but i cant do it im not driivng that far every day i keep toying with recovery but im not ready
wait what if ur liek allergic or something ot the food like i can ahve dairy or gluten they cant make u eat that stuff and im prectuaclly an almost vegan
good luck hun know that u dont wanan do it but good luck neway
u can always rant to me whenever

windusa said...

Damn, the day program sounds terrible. I would hate to be taken out of school for that :/ I would also be freaked out about the group therapy, I feel like everyone would either be really supportive and understanding or they would be mean and catty. Im pretty curious to see the things they gave you to read. Good luck with recovery. <33

Starving Artist said...

Exercise a LOT when you're alone, lots and lots and lots of exercise, you'll gain some muscle weight instead of just fat weight, you'll look muuuch better than if you gained like 20 pounds of fat and muscle is waaay easier to starve off than fat is for when they finally leave you alone! Good luck sweetie <3 this will be hard but I KNOW you can do it! *hug* We're here for you babe.
Also, for things you just can't stand to eat, change 'I can't eat that' to 'I don't like that' ;)

neverfit said...

Do they accommodate vegans or vegetarians in your program?

I went to the hospital for depression and got out of school, which helped with my large number of late assignments. Maybe look on the bright side about that! Of course, if you're a freak of nature who LIKES school, you're screwed. ;)

I would like to know what goes on in recovery, so post away, I'll definitely read it. :)