even if ur not at the bottom u can still want to go back up!

KD took me out to dinner last night! red lobster 4 course dinner, soup, salad, main dinner thing and then a triple chocolate dessert! YUMMMMM!!!!!  i didnt finish it all i had to take a bit home and i ate it later thaat night, both of us were so full we just laid down for like 2 hours after! :P

man i love him!

im doing good, food wise.... today i bought a doughnut, no second thoughts.  but me and KD seem to be getting to a wall again.... he got a new phone, that has internet and all that jazz.... and he put a password on it.  he refuses to tell me the password or play on his phone without him "supervising me" and i cant go into his texts, calls or his facebook. he deletes everything on his phone every couple hours anyways.

i dont know, im obviously just over thinking things....

he was really annoyed of me so he asked if he could hang up and go to bed, then he called me back and said he was sorry for being rude he is jsut frustrated and doesnt know why he is but he loves me and will talk to me tomorrow.

i do love him but he needs out of that house! his family is driving him actually insane, i promise u guys that u cant even understand how much he has to deal with! he is the most amazing guy i've ever known to go through all that and not do drugs, or drink stupid or anythign! :P

i love him, we have a plan.  i'm moving into residence at school in a month and a half.  by then hopefully i have my license and so will he.  if not then he has until november without having to deal with the winter driving.

then he is off work for the winter to get his GED.  by febuary i'm hoping he will be ready to move into his own place, then im off school in april and i will move in with him.  i love him i really do and i know that once he is out of that house me and him will have no more problems!

i'm taking courses for management and psycology... i do wanna help people but i dont have the money to become anything that would be able to help legally :S

sweet!!!

up to 116!!!! :D
 went to the spaghetti factory last night and ate as much as i could fit in my tummy! then woke up this morning and had a huge breakfast with the family.  :)

im excited, im hoping to gain 2 more pounds before my weight in on monday at program.  im still sick but im just forcing as much of the daily cals down my throat as i can.

i did have a bit of trouble at the restaurant last night. my whole family came, like cousins from outta town and my dad and step mom picked me and my sister up and we went with my in town fam and the toronto fam.  13 people at one table.  i dont know i jsut had a lot of bad thoughts about that i ate so much and everyone was thinking that about me.... i called up KD and he talked me down. but he still thinks its stupid that i even have bad thoughts still..... i know he is trying to help me but he doesnt get it that its a log process and that i've been trying to rush it for him... i'm starting to get worried that i rushed through recovery too quick and its gonna catch up with me later....

i guess only way to see is to wait.  for now im jsut happy he is there to help me. and my dad and step mom are very supportive. my mother is not but eh, she tries her best..... :S

to katie: dont be sorry for being urself. i know wat its like not to want to be around people and i will recover and so will u! dont bejealous that those girls are getting out b/c they are doing bad, be happy that u rnt doing bad!

to dani: u can get help but its gonna be harder, get a friend to help u. do ur research. help urself. it feels so much nicer to be happy and not having to worry all the time about wat im eating and how it MIGHT effect me!

k so to start this off id like to mention that i have strep throat.  if u dont know what that means it basically means that my throat is 90% closed up and its KILLS to swallow! :(  and i have a fever of 103F!  i'm sleeping a lot and i have to take pills 4 times a day for 10 days.........

im down to 113lb........ i'm eating only ice cream and juice and fish sticks! :(  i need to gain the weight back but oh man it hurts sooo much to eat :'(

ok so just incase someone didnt know me and KD have a deal that if i drop to 110 then he has to break up with me! im officially 3 pounds away from losing him! i need to gain 5lb minimum but i dont know how!

any tips on food that will be easy to eat with a soar throat?????

I'm back, and i brought my WHOLE body with me!

hey everyone! i don't care if u stop following me or anything like that but from now on my blog is about recovery!  I finished program 2 weeks before i graduated high school and so far i've been doing good.  KD and i are in love and really he helps me so much! im glad i told him!  he helps me through bad thoughts, big meals, urges and my still recovery from the drug addiction.

the girls i met at program taught me so much as well... the most important thing i learnt was that 20% of the people who go through program will die.  too many girls i met i know that they wont make it to their 20th birthday......

and none of u will either! get help! cry out for help! fight Ana and realize she has control not u!

it will take me some time but i'll be posting everything i learnt from program and somethings i learnt just from life.

if u every have anything u want to say about anything i wrote please dont be afraid to say it! ask questions, say ur thoughts, participate! even if u dont think its gonna be helpful jsut say it anyways because maybe ill be capable of challenging ur thinking and ull see life in a different light.. little by little.


I dedicate this blog of recovery to one girl i met in program, she has been there with me since the first day and through all this she means the world to me and her life is something i truly hope i can save one day!  Katie's blog

- Maxie Macklin (no fear!)