To whom it may concern....

dont be stupid! who the hell WANTS an eating disorder??? I went through 3 months of day treatment at the hospital and i was there for the least amount of time i could. I am now fighting every day to live! dont be stupid, love ur body before its too late!


- me and KD are still together, over 7 months and we are going really good
- im out of treatment and trying my best to give myself a future!
- this blog is now 100% about recovery and if u ever want to say anything or ask anything have no fear! u will never be yelled at for ur thoughts!

Friday, March 18, 2011


before i had mentioned how this blog was found by my cousin, well as i am reposted she thought i didnt know she was stilll reading it.  i knew she was and i will not have my self censored, if my parents knew i had this and were to read it as well i wouldnt care.  i have no longer anything to hide.  my thoughts are not gonna change over night if they even do. my actions are not gonna be hidden b/c thats not the point of recovery.  im gonna do this whole treatment thingy but im not just gonna 'snap' into a different mindset on my own.  i know i cant change my thoughts on my own so why fight myself when i can just wait for others to help me fight it.

i will still be blogging honestly and ill be updating after each meeting i have the the ppl there until i start treatment (as nothing interesting is going on at the moment)

me and my dad are doing this eating thing together
i have to eat the three meals and 3  snacks a day and he has to do it to, and he cant eat anything more then that!

ill admit it feels better not being the only one doing it.... i still hate it with a passion.  im eating the 3 meals and 3 snacks but im not eating the portions im supposed to or all the food groups im supposed to yet

its so fucking hard shoving all this food down my throat and keeping it there :(  sometimes ill just cry in the shower and down tums all day :(

keeping up with my yoga and boy says we can start going for runs together once its less icy outside. and once he gets some cash he is gonna start hitting the gym wit me

omfg me and the bf just were on the phone and he tells me that he noticed that he laughs when ppl cry! and i asked if he laughs when i cry and he admitted to chuckling but then only laughing on the inside! and to make me feel better he told me its not jsut me its everyone!!!! OMFG!!!!! the soul-less heart-less bastard! wtf! and i asked if he was gonna work or trying to understand that and he said probably (which means no but i want a new conversation!)

omfg i swear i love him but he actually has no emotions or feelings or anything! he is heart-less and soul-less! (but very hot)

cant weight myself, i know im getting fatter though b/c jeans dont feel as nice :(
really hoping the exercise is gonna help me not lose my head! :S

1 comment:

Dani said...

its hard fighting sometihng that u ahve no contorl over turst me i know ur thoughts wont change they will always b there even if u do recover its how u contorl it instead of letting it contorl u
sorry i get slost in my head
stay safe hun