To whom it may concern....

dont be stupid! who the hell WANTS an eating disorder??? I went through 3 months of day treatment at the hospital and i was there for the least amount of time i could. I am now fighting every day to live! dont be stupid, love ur body before its too late!


- me and KD are still together, over 7 months and we are going really good
- im out of treatment and trying my best to give myself a future!
- this blog is now 100% about recovery and if u ever want to say anything or ask anything have no fear! u will never be yelled at for ur thoughts!

Friday, March 25, 2011

and so it begins...

i start monday morning at 8am
since its spring break there is no school part and it ends early at 4pm every day that week
i miss my whole spring break still though!
told my teachers, they looked at me like i was some sad puppy that they just walk right by in the window of a store. i told my guidance counselor because she has to be the one in contact with the Day Program people.  she has known me since grade 7, she was very shocked and said 'u never really seemed the type, oh i mean u hid it very well' aka im too fat to be sick.

i think this is stupid.  so far i have been hovering in the 110 area. holding down as many purges as possible. tip: tumms are ur best friend and really u cant take too many in a day! 2 at a time, when ever u feel that feeling of getting sick.  and drink lots of water to calm ur tummy :(

i just wanna get the program thing over with and get back on track wit life.  got the bf his birth certificate and his SIN card so he can legally work in canada now :P

next is his photo ID so he can buy smokes, booze and go to the strip club ;) yeah i told him he can go as long as he comes home to me after ;)

had to do the menu planning for the next week monday -friday

since it ends at 4pm during spring break that means im only there for breakfast, snack, lunch and snack

EXAMPLES OF BREAKFASTS: (btw im on the lowest amounts for everything)
- one cup cereal with milk + 1 slice bread + 250ml juice or milk + fruit
- 2 cup cereal with milk +fruit +250 ml of juice or milk
- bagel with cream cheese/peanut butter or some kind of spread + fruit + juice/milk

salad with dressing or a cup of soup +an entree (full serving sizes of meat/alternatives and grain and dairy) +fruit/vegitables +juice/milk 250ml + a dessert

if u do not have the dessert then u have to have one with dinner. dessert is not optional.

snacks all include 250 ml of milk or juice.  no water.

im not sure about dinners yet because i didnt get to see them. imma see if i can get a copy of some of the lists so i can post them.

if u are considering recovery, try to start the day with the breakfast above, then after that becomes normal and not scary, try adding breakfast and lunch, slowly try to add more food into ur day and u have to realize that weight gain is gonna be a part of this.

i have come to terms with that, bf says he will still be there for me,

if i want to get better i cannot be on here so much, the more i read ur blogs and the more i am here the more i dont want to recover, the more i dont think im sick enough... the more i want to starve myself until i disappear....

ill be posting to update on recovery and to give tips of how to recover and things im learning.  maybe it'll show some people that recovery isnt as scary as it sounds (btw so far its still pretty scary, im still sure the other girls are gonna take one look at me and be like ''she is WAY too fat to be here, she must just be looking for attention, hellz if i looked like her i would still be starving off that baby fat! ''

:( byez till monday :(


Dani said...

good luck hunny ur a great and amzing persona nd u desrve happiness adn everythng that ocmes with it
i jumped into my recovery to quickly to much food to quickly freaking myself out ima cut back a lil and do it slower casue the weigh ah just pilled on so quickly my fault no1 elses we can do this hun we jus have to stay strong

..::Silhouette Dreams::.. said...

Good luck with recovery<3
I nominated you for a blogger award, I love your blog and I hope all is well.