To whom it may concern....

dont be stupid! who the hell WANTS an eating disorder??? I went through 3 months of day treatment at the hospital and i was there for the least amount of time i could. I am now fighting every day to live! dont be stupid, love ur body before its too late!


- me and KD are still together, over 7 months and we are going really good
- im out of treatment and trying my best to give myself a future!
- this blog is now 100% about recovery and if u ever want to say anything or ask anything have no fear! u will never be yelled at for ur thoughts!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

What's going on??

Are you kidding me!!!! K so I have to be honest, I have struggled with an ED in the past. My parents put me through recovery before and have been on watch ever since.  The only reason I started again was because I really couldn't handle looking at my body anymore, and they were starting to loosen their grasp on me.  Yesterday I was proven wrong.  I had decided to become a vegetarian again (was for 3 years before I got sick and had to quit) and they freaked out on me thinking that I was back to my old ways.  I fought so hard telling them that im eating all the time and they just aren’t around to see it and that it’s ridiculous for them to think otherwise.  They are just over reacting! So I had to prove to them that im eating so I ended up eating 1 cup cereal (160 cal), burrito (360 cal) and a yogurt (90 cal). Total: 610 cal!!!!!! Bleh!
Now I have to watch my back more than ever! And to top it off I went out with some friends to a bar (didn’t drink) and me and this one guy did some lines and another guy found out and told a family member of mine that he knows! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!  I’m really gonna have to watch myself from now on...... no one can be trusted these days.

Today was a good(ish) day, I was gonna fast but then my parents decided to take me to Wendy’s for dinner :( . I was out shopping for like 4 hours (bussing/walking everywhere).  And they picked me up and took me there, to keep with my vegetarianism I couldn’t get a salad (all had meat on top), burger, or anything really, so I got a potato.  I picked at it really, (dropped most of it on the floor) and then made an excuse on why not to finish it.  I picked up multi-vitamins today and some chewy candies that are to take away hunger. 

School starts tomorrow and my goal of being 100 pounds is a fail! I lost 5 pounds but that just isn’t enough!!!  I got a family dinner on Wednesday and Thursday and a lunch on Thursday.  Im not sure how im gonna pull off not eating........ I need to figure it out and fast! 

I noticed people are seeing my blog, but still no comments or anything.  Im only writing this because I am looking for support from the World Wide Web. Please comment, or send my blog to someone who will! Please, im starting to feel so alone....

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