To whom it may concern....

dont be stupid! who the hell WANTS an eating disorder??? I went through 3 months of day treatment at the hospital and i was there for the least amount of time i could. I am now fighting every day to live! dont be stupid, love ur body before its too late!


- me and KD are still together, over 7 months and we are going really good
- im out of treatment and trying my best to give myself a future!
- this blog is now 100% about recovery and if u ever want to say anything or ask anything have no fear! u will never be yelled at for ur thoughts!

Friday, November 19, 2010

insanity at its finest :D

ok so i had my appointment today to get evaluated for actual help for all this CRAP! and i have been refered to a bunch of ED doctors and addiction doctors and depression doctors and all this CRAP! basically right now the only thing keeping me from breaking down from all of this happening too fast is those damn happy pills! im going crazy in my head, i cant stop shaking and i got a convention all weeekend!
super fun!!!
i got new pills that will speed up my metabolism, im hoping they work, i didnt eat this morning when i took them and i wasnt planning on eating till sunday, but my body had different plans, i have work in an hour and i couldnt stop(stil cant) stop shaking, i almost fainted but i caught myself, and really, im not functioning well..... im also coked out of my mind...... im not surviving well am i?

i wont be able to post much this weekend (doubt there will even be service) but ill try my hardest to stay updated on ur blogs and ill be updating when i get back.... i wish i could just die in a hole and never do anything again.....

at 163 cals so far today (90 from yogurt and 7 from grapes and 67 from 1 chicken ball)  i love this site thing, it makes me not worry as much as long as i can put in every detail of my days im good :)

got work for 3 hours so ill burn 450 cals there b/c its gonna be crazy busy b/c its snowing like mad outside (which means no gym for a while as i cant get there now! i used to walk through a feild and i dont knwo another way just yet!)
i have to go now but ill miss u guys, i dont knwo how im gonna survive this weekend, i kinda just wanna die in my room and not go anywhere or do anything ever again..... sorry for the lack of happiness...

positive point: chef is amazing and still wit me! and i love him wit all my heart! <3 i swear he is perfection! (and so skinny is so hot!)


Mich said...

LUCKY you have snow!! I cannot wait until it snows here.

Hope everything works out with the psych, and I hope you have a really lovely weekend. You deserve it!

Isla Lynn said...

Snow! Lucky indeed! I hope everything turns out well for you, love bug. You're beautiful. <3

Starving Artist said...

Hey, still going strong with chef awwesome! I checked out the songs you suggested, plus some! I think my favorite is 'youre the only one'
good luck sweetie.
hope all the crazy will soon find you locked away in your own lovely little world that it can't get into <3 stay strong sweeite, know you can do it!

bonesarepure said...

im glad u and chef are still together thats amzing
and yay for the big step there girl im happy that ur going to get help it doesnt ahve to b for the ed or the depression if ur not ready for that but at least do it for the drugs i want u safe and healthy
try and ahve a good wkd and email me if u can and let me know how its going

Thin_Envy said...

Sounds like you got so much going on! good luck with everything girl! stay strong

TK said...

We have snow too! I'm a little depressed about it though. It came on so suddenly. Oh well it's winter.

What diet pills are you trying?