To whom it may concern....

dont be stupid! who the hell WANTS an eating disorder??? I went through 3 months of day treatment at the hospital and i was there for the least amount of time i could. I am now fighting every day to live! dont be stupid, love ur body before its too late!


- me and KD are still together, over 7 months and we are going really good
- im out of treatment and trying my best to give myself a future!
- this blog is now 100% about recovery and if u ever want to say anything or ask anything have no fear! u will never be yelled at for ur thoughts!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

wishing i couldnt sleep...

my dreams have been haunting me for a while now... i havent said anything b/c i thought they would go away.  they are getting worse....

last night i had a dream that i stepped on my scale and it broke, like as if paper......
a few others but they all are getting realer, where ill wake up and i have no clue if they really happened or not. like ill have a dream where i checked my cell and got a text, but then wake up to find that i didnt get that text at all.... i dont know, its just weirding me out.

salt water flushed yesterday and today, was 108 today so i guess my body is wanting that sex more then i thought! :P

me and chef went out last night! OMG I'M IN LOVE!!!!!! we had 3 hours till i had ot be home so we jsut parked somewhere random and would like talk, pause to make out hardcore, talk more, ask questions about each other, hardcore make out. he had to stop me a few times from going too far because he knows i dont want to do anything past make up until we are exclusive, he is so respectful! he also always gets me home before my curfew jsut to make sure my parents like him <3

i asked him to be my date for my work christmas party, he said yes! which means she thinks we wil stil be together then!!!! <3
he also texted me this morning with "hey hottie" it made my day, fuck im love struck!

its monday so i had dance, which as always made me feel as fat as a whale, hoping across the dance floor... BLEH!

salt water flushing today (through out) feels so good to know im clean inside and out!

only 3 more pounds to go! then 5 till im 100!

i've lost 10 pounds so far but i dont see a difference, at all.  i took picks at 118lb (they are posted in a past post) and ill post new ones at 110, maybe u'll see a difference!

im so glad i made u girls happy with the fact that i like to read about ur lives :P  its true, i find them so interesting and i dont know, it makes me feel better and less alone when i read them.  chef has so many friends and is always partying, i used to do that..... i lost so many friends over the past year because of all this.

oh by the way, quick update: mr. funny guy stole 300$ from me and i owe that money to trainer guy so now i gotta pay him back and mr. funny guy wont answer my calls.  after thursday im making sure both are out of my life for good!

***** FELL ALSEEP!!!!********

got a doctors appointment today, physical :S
we will see what happens.... im more scared to get my blood work done.....

-happiness <3


Starving Artist said...

remember your vitamins when you have to go to the docs

bonesarepure said...

let us know how the doc appt goes
im gald that u and chef are gettign along so well yay for that u deserve to b happy and treated likea pricness

Mich said...

I have crazy dreams, too. And a lot of those weird dreams that seem real, so you have no idea if they happened or not. :/

Mr Funny guy sounds like he needs to be taken care of, mafia-style.


pixiestix14 said...

i wish i slept long enough to dream. I hope your appointment goes well. You are so awesome btw the amount of care you give everyone is so amazing. just like your losses!!! so kudos!