ok before i start my HUGE rant, i wanna say that i figured out a way so that when i open my browser i just press a button and all my fav blogs open into new tabs so i dont have to go through my dashboard!!!
my list of fav blogs:
lols k! now that im done that.... RANT!!!!!
ok so im an epic fail at relationships.
- i fear to commit; only wanna have sex; terrified of emotions (especially other peoples); overly jealous; very paranoid; trust issues; i cheat a lot; i lie a lot with no reason, just do!; but the number one reason i suck at relationships is.... because i fall in love so quick......
all i want is love, its all i think about(when not sex :P) and im starting to really fall for this new guy.. i cant remember if i gave him a nickname or not yet... oh ya chef (lols i put chief for the other one :P damn spell check!) but thing is, its been a week since i met him, i know its not love but its me and i so deperatly want love that i think it is.... but i want this to work so im playing cool :P but i want sex.... and i know that he is really iffy on me because i had a boyfriend when we first hooked up so i want to show him i can be legit. so i cant have sex behind his back... and i cant have sex with him yet b/c i want him to be my boyfriend(aka exclusive) first.... OMG!!! I HATE LIFE!!!!!!!!!! boo this shit! plus he never texts me first, i always text him and he always seems super interested in my but then he will jsut stop texting the next daybut he wont admit to falling asleep? we were to see each other yesterday but he jsut stopped texting! hopefully he will text me or somethign today and we can hang out.....
well on a good note im 109 still and binging like crazy becuase of this no sex thing. its actually driving my BONKERS!!! its been well over a month now and ive gotten NOTHING! past making out and chef got under my shirt but eh, really nothing. :(
im gonna get down to 105 by next week i hope at the latest!
bleh really only thoughts in my head are him and sex, or havng sex with him. oh wait! wanna know how i know that i got it bad for this boy??? i stopped thinking about how great the sex was with mr. funny guy. i dont even WANNA have sex with him. man i got it bad.... :(
- me and KD are still together, over 7 months and we are going really good
- im out of treatment and trying my best to give myself a future!
- this blog is now 100% about recovery and if u ever want to say anything or ask anything have no fear! u will never be yelled at for ur thoughts!