To whom it may concern....

dont be stupid! who the hell WANTS an eating disorder??? I went through 3 months of day treatment at the hospital and i was there for the least amount of time i could. I am now fighting every day to live! dont be stupid, love ur body before its too late!

QUICK NEWS!!!:

- me and KD are still together, over 7 months and we are going really good
- im out of treatment and trying my best to give myself a future!
- this blog is now 100% about recovery and if u ever want to say anything or ask anything have no fear! u will never be yelled at for ur thoughts!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

WHY HAS THE UNIVERSE FORSAKEN ME!!!

ok before i start my HUGE rant, i wanna say that i figured out a way so that when i open my browser i just press a button and all my fav blogs open into new tabs so i dont have to go through my dashboard!!!

my list of fav blogs:
http://myoneheadlight.blogspot.com/                  http://s1ckb1tch.blogspot.com/
http://almost-skinny-vegan.blogspot.com/                     http://islalynn.blogspot.com/
http://imwithana.blogspot.com/                             http://24astre24.blogspot.com/
http://evacanfly.blogspot.com/                             http://happinesscanonlyberealifthin.blogspot.com/
http://bonesarepure.blogspot.com/                    http://savory1sick.blogspot.com/
http://intobethin.blogspot.com/                           http://ticklemeem0.blogspot.com/
http://perfect-oxymoron.blogspot.com/


lols k! now that im done that.... RANT!!!!!

ok so im an epic fail at relationships.
quick list:
- i fear to commit; only wanna have sex; terrified of emotions (especially other peoples); overly jealous; very paranoid; trust issues; i cheat a lot; i lie a lot with no reason, just do!; but the number one reason i suck at relationships is.... because i fall in love so quick......

all i want is love, its all i think about(when not sex :P) and im starting to really fall for this new guy.. i cant remember if i gave him a nickname or not yet... oh ya chef (lols i put chief for the other one :P damn spell check!) but thing is, its been a week since i met him, i know its not love but its me and i so deperatly want love that i think it is.... but i want this to work so im playing cool :P but i want sex.... and i know that he is really iffy on me because i had a boyfriend when we first hooked up so i want to show him i can be legit. so i cant have sex behind his back... and i cant have sex with him yet b/c i want him to be my boyfriend(aka exclusive) first.... OMG!!! I HATE LIFE!!!!!!!!!! boo this shit!  plus he never texts me first, i always text him and he always seems super interested in my but then he will jsut stop texting the next daybut he wont admit to falling asleep?  we were to see each other yesterday but he jsut stopped texting! hopefully he will text me or somethign today and we can hang out.....

well on a good note im 109 still and binging like crazy becuase of this no sex thing. its actually driving my BONKERS!!! its been well over a month now and ive gotten NOTHING! past making out and chef got under my shirt but eh, really nothing. :(

im gonna get down to 105 by next week i hope at the latest!

bleh really only thoughts in my head are him and sex, or havng sex with him. oh wait! wanna know how i know that i got it bad for this boy??? i stopped thinking about how great the sex was with mr. funny guy. i dont even WANNA have sex with him. man i got it bad.... :(

4 comments:

Effy said...

I am the exact same!.. well, without the sex bit haha! I always fall for guys way too quick, before they have a chance to even get to know me and I to know them, so it usually doesn't end well. However, what you have with Chef sounds legit, and it melts my cold, dead heart! So stick in there, and you'll soon get it ;) haha. Craving sex is just a feeling like binging: it will come and go so stay strong :)

Well done maintaining, maybe the binge will clear out any food/water that was being retained? I'm confident that you'll get to 105, don't worry!

Take care of yourself,
Effy xxx

P.S. I can't believe my blog is one of your favourites! Thankyou!

Your blog is a genuine favourite of mine. I love reading your posts, it's unreal how similar we are in some ways haha!

bonesarepure said...

o im one of ur fav blogs really wow yay im excited u made me so happy i didnt think my blog was taht interesting but thanx
godi love urs as well
i get happy when u c u update

hmm u are ina pickle there arent u
hmm now with the love thing u cant force it hun u just gotta let it happen i know u want it but u cant force the love
and the sex god sex is amzing isnt it

but the thing with this chef guy sounds great i know u guys are still int he beginning stages but it sounds great and ur right u do have to prove to him that nto gonna cheat on him that u really like it he has to trust u

stay strong hun

Almost.Skinny said...

Thanks gorgeous! I love reading your blog too :)
Good luck with chef- maybe pull back a tiny bit? distract yourself with exercise or something, I'm sure he wants you too but sometimes waiting can do the world of good! All the best getting you 105! you can do it!!! xxx

Isla Lynn said...

Thanks for loving my blog so much! It truly means the world to me. :')

And, I thought I was a crazy girl for wanting sex as much as I do. I'm happy to hear you are a sex fanatic, too. Brian and I have agreed not to have sex for three months until we're engaged. I'm like, "You're an idiot." It's been 5 days and I'm already dying for a sweet and dirty touch. ;)

You're making progress so fast! I'm so proud of you girl. Much love from Lala.