convention wasnt as terrible as i thought... i did eat (which means i did not see chef today) but i kept under 1,000 cals each day. today i am at 166 cals [few sips of apple juice, a cucumber, and 2 cups of broccoli] and im not going to go past 200 cals for the next week.... got my period today for the first time since june which means that "week of eating normal" worked and now im going right back into basically fasting, i refuse to eat enough to get my period! thats my indicator that im eating too much! not gonna weigh myself for a bit.... im too scared now! im gonna stop taking my happy pills.... im changing my mind about getting help, im not ready, i dont deserve it, im not sick enough for it to be a real issue, im still at a "healthy" weight.
this weekend i had to plan, run and participate in a 'body image' program.... awkward? yes, i did it but after i cried for an hour, luckily no one found out.... i caught up on all ur blogs but didnt comment, but i promise im keeping updated i just am overly exhausted from this weekend!
current plan: eat as minimal as possible (no more then 200 cals)
drink 3-4 of my water bottles a day
take my ADD pills but throw out my happy pills
take my new diet pills (they are to speed up my metabolism, not get rid of my appetite because those give me a nasty crash which leads to a binge!)
ok so im dying, i need to sleep, ill do a better post tomorrow or something and ill get to commenting soon too!
u guys are wat gets me through! <3 love u all i hope u know....
oh and i wanna show u guys something hilarious!
on the convention i ended up getting pied in the face TWICE! (luckily i hate pie so i didnt eat any!) but here is a pic!!!
***EDIT: i didnt wanna make a new post for this but i weighed myself this morning and im at 107lb! which means im still keeping to my plan and ill keep ya'll updated! (but it also means im happier and not gonna cry all day :P)****