To whom it may concern....

dont be stupid! who the hell WANTS an eating disorder??? I went through 3 months of day treatment at the hospital and i was there for the least amount of time i could. I am now fighting every day to live! dont be stupid, love ur body before its too late!

QUICK NEWS!!!:

- me and KD are still together, over 7 months and we are going really good
- im out of treatment and trying my best to give myself a future!
- this blog is now 100% about recovery and if u ever want to say anything or ask anything have no fear! u will never be yelled at for ur thoughts!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

not. handling, well....

hey, gots a new follower! well if u were hoping to read a happy post im very sorry to disappoint......
convention wasnt as terrible as i thought... i did eat (which means i did not see chef today) but i kept under 1,000 cals each day.  today i am at 166 cals [few sips of apple juice, a cucumber, and 2 cups of broccoli] and im not going to go past 200 cals for the next week.... got my period today for the first time since june which means that "week of eating normal" worked and now im going right back into basically fasting, i refuse to eat enough to get my period! thats my indicator that im eating too much!  not gonna weigh myself for a bit.... im too scared now!  im gonna stop taking my happy pills.... im changing my mind about getting help, im not ready, i dont deserve it, im not sick enough for it to be a real issue, im still at a "healthy" weight.

this weekend i had to plan, run and participate in a 'body image' program.... awkward? yes, i did it but after i cried for an hour, luckily no one found out.... i caught up on all ur blogs but didnt comment, but i promise im keeping updated i just am overly exhausted from this weekend!

current plan:  eat as minimal as possible (no more then 200 cals)
drink 3-4 of my water bottles a day
take my ADD pills but throw out my happy pills
take my new diet pills (they are to speed up my metabolism, not get rid of my appetite because those give me a nasty crash which leads to a binge!)

ok so im dying, i need to sleep, ill do a better post tomorrow or something and ill get to commenting soon too!

u guys are wat gets me through! <3 love u all i hope u know....
oh and i wanna show u guys something hilarious!
on the convention i ended up getting pied in the face TWICE! (luckily i hate pie so i didnt eat any!) but here is a pic!!!


***EDIT: i didnt wanna make a new post for this but i weighed myself this morning and im at 107lb! which means im still keeping to my plan and ill keep ya'll updated! (but it also means im happier and not gonna cry all day :P)****

3 comments:

Starving Artist said...

yuck, period, I'm getting close to when mine should be.. I hope I don't get it, I'm going to be majorly upset if I do..

Isla Lynn said...

aljflajfasdlfj. I'm sorry I never replied to your fb message.

bonesarepure said...

i wish my period would go away but ino n birth control so it wont damnit
i think u should reconsider help thoug u dont have to get it for ur ed but for th eother things
stay strong love