To whom it may concern....

dont be stupid! who the hell WANTS an eating disorder??? I went through 3 months of day treatment at the hospital and i was there for the least amount of time i could. I am now fighting every day to live! dont be stupid, love ur body before its too late!


- me and KD are still together, over 7 months and we are going really good
- im out of treatment and trying my best to give myself a future!
- this blog is now 100% about recovery and if u ever want to say anything or ask anything have no fear! u will never be yelled at for ur thoughts!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

well that lasted a while....

no me and chef didnt break up..... yet.....  he is amazing, he is the most perfect guy for me but he has no time ever for me.  he doesnt work on wednesdays and sundays, today is sunday, so i thought id see him, he said we would go for dinner (i wasnt excited for that but i was to see him!) but he is now canceling on me because he hasnt seen his family since last sunday and is going for dinner with them.  ok so u'd think that at least ill see hiim on wednesday right? wrong, he has to work an event that night and he couldnt say no because he got chosen because he is just so awesome.... so im happy for him, right? i guess.... but then ill see him next sunday of course, oh wait.... maybe not because i get home from my convention (yes another one) that day and ill be exhausted and probably not in the mood to see anyone (seeing as i always hate how much i eat on these weekends!)

oh sorry ill update on my ED before i go on k :  ABC diet is going good... i've decided that i cant do that fasting days because my family is still watching me like a hawk.  so ill just put those ones to like 100 cals, thats basically just my daily amount of coffee :P

salt water flushed this morning, im completely empty and it makes me feel a bit better seeing as my heart feels the same.....

im gonna get him to call me to see if he wants to do something before his dinner, i got a hair cut and my nails done and shaved yesterday so i am basically all done up for him........ but i wont see him for like a week maybe!

i require more attention then this..... even if we only saw each other 2 times a week thats ok, but we like dont text because he never texts me, and i feel like im bugging him when i do :(  and i dont think we have ever talked on the phone even, always in person or over text or facebook :(

wat do u do when u have ur perfect man...... but u dont ever get to have him?  if that makes sense.....

p.s. actually this site is my life! :
u can make an account, and become friends with people! and then u can see the stuff they are tracking! is basically the food portion of wat we do on here but so much more high tech and in detail and amazing!

i put my cal goal to 800 cals (the lowest they will allow) that way ill make sure i never go over it!!!!! :)

1 comment:

bonesarepure said...

hi love
dont give up on him yet i know its hard and in the beginning of a relationship u wanna spend every waking minute with him but u gotta realize its not possible
i knw u miss him i hop u do get to c him b4 he goes out with hes family
just give it time things will calm an dsettle down i dont want u to do something rash and then regret
i know ufeel like ur bugginghim when u txt him i feel the same way with my boy but i still txt him usually once a day just to say hi and tell him to have a good day and tell him i love him
ive been with mine for 7 years and we only c wach other once a week sometimes twice so i know how it is
heres my email its alway my msn if u ever need to talk

i tihnk im ahve to make an account at that site u keep mentioning i havent been writing in my food jounral cause ive been eating tomuch but ima b 95 lbs by xmas even if i have to stop eating completely again and risk my health
stay storn ghun love ya always here