I never learnt :P
My stupid act was telling my parents I was unhappy. They did get me some help but oh my I got a few words on that! But first I’d like to explain how my parents think it’s a good way to deal with my depression and ED: telling me about other people who have died in the world (like random people in prisons!), telling me that because of my actions that they are ‘upset’ (aka I’m the reason they aren’t happy! AWESOME right?), telling me that I’m not trying hard enough to ‘fix myself’ (I LEGIT HAVE BEEN SCARFING DOWN TUMS TO KEEP FOOD DOWN!) and oh my favourite is getting mad at me for forgetting little things! Like I’m trying my damn hardest to make it through my days, I REALLY don’t need them adding to it!
On to my rant about the ‘help’ I’m supposed to be getting. I’m trying my best to be honest but I’m not dumb, I know that they will tell my parents things so I didn’t tell them about the coke, but I had to see this one lady and MAN SHE WAS STUPID!!!!!! My stepmom told her my ‘unhealthy food relationship’ started only a month or two ago and because of my grandpa. I decided to tell her the truth about how I’ve been dealing with this since I was in grade 6 or 8 (depends on how bad u have to be to declare it unhealthy...) and then fucking 3 or 4 more times she would say that it started a few months ago, and every time I had to correct her!!! DUMB!!!!!!!!!!! Like I don’t handle stupid well............. I really don’t.
Sorry for the rant :P but oh man I would have been better dealing with this on my own...........
Quick update..... haven’t eaten yet.... I had some veggies here and there but sadly now I’m stricter than ever with my calories, it’s like I’m scared to eat? I wanna sit down and eat but I feel like everyone is watching me and I can’t handle it! Last night I got yelled at so terribly I just couldn’t handle it anymore and I cut, that’s right I cut and didn’t carve... which is weird for me because I hate the idea of unorganized and reasonless pain (I’m weird :P) but I didn’t want to die.... but I slit my wrist. And deeper than ever before, I could see my veins, I was careful to go around, it was like I was digging out my wrist. Sorry too much info but the image hasn’t left my head..........
Me and Mr. Funny guy are no longer anything more than friends, I refuse to get into a life like that, he is cold and doesn’t care about anything! I met someone new and we are going out tomorrow. Issue with him is he is a chief.... BUT uber adorable and has the most amazing blue eyes!
Btw I have a new trick to keep myself on track, I tied a string around my waist, measured at exactly 24’’. If my measurement goes past that it HURTS and if it’s loose then I am pain free. Right now it’s loose and I’m happy.
I don’t know how to tag other bloggers but I want to give a special thank you to “Almost.Skinny.Vegan”, “Starving Artist”, “Mich”, “EvaPuedeVolar” and “Isla Lynn”, I find you guys amazing and I want to thank you for being there for me :)