To whom it may concern....

dont be stupid! who the hell WANTS an eating disorder??? I went through 3 months of day treatment at the hospital and i was there for the least amount of time i could. I am now fighting every day to live! dont be stupid, love ur body before its too late!


- me and KD are still together, over 7 months and we are going really good
- im out of treatment and trying my best to give myself a future!
- this blog is now 100% about recovery and if u ever want to say anything or ask anything have no fear! u will never be yelled at for ur thoughts!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

fast day one

oh wow, ok so i made it through a full day of fasting without ANYONE bothering me!!!! i really didnt think that would happen but i worked through lunch and then my parents were gone all night so no dinner, who would have thought it would be so easy.
im gonna see if i can do it again tomorrow, all liquids, no calories if possible (today was only water and diet cokes).
sadly i cant weight myself until thursday/friday. so im gonna give myself a goal. today is tuesday and ive already done day day, lets see if i can make it 3!
usually i have to stop or i break down and binge on negative calorie foods but this time i want nothing solid!

i also went by the drug store today,

i usually look around there but i got some free time between school and work, and they had this new product that is to block carbs and fats? anyone know if it works?
well ur supposed to have big meals with it but im guessing it will work just s well if i know that i have a family dinner or something that i cant get out of and have to eat, right???

idk if anyone has any info about any diet pills that work/anything that i can buy/take that will help me shed this ugly fat faster then just no cals and exercise???

me and my dad got into a fight, he always thinks he is right and that he knows everything! it takes so much to not just yell out 'IF UR SO G-DDAM SMART WHY HAVENT U NOTICED I'M STILL NOT EATING!!!!!' but of course im not gonna because well that is stupid and even i'm not that stupid.

idk i got a lot of stuff going through my head but i got this little voice that is so proud of me for making it through today, usually i am a quitter who gives up on everything b/c i think im such a failure, why even try right? but today i did it and i feel great! tomorrow ill do it again and i'll feel even better! i love that i can stick out my tummy as much as i can and its still not past my ribs!!!! ha ha, food you got no power over me!

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