To whom it may concern....

dont be stupid! who the hell WANTS an eating disorder??? I went through 3 months of day treatment at the hospital and i was there for the least amount of time i could. I am now fighting every day to live! dont be stupid, love ur body before its too late!


- me and KD are still together, over 7 months and we are going really good
- im out of treatment and trying my best to give myself a future!
- this blog is now 100% about recovery and if u ever want to say anything or ask anything have no fear! u will never be yelled at for ur thoughts!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

back on track

Sorry for the lack of posting since my amazing news of being size 3 again! K so quick update, I had a full on mental breakdown, my parents almost sent me to the hospital BUT best part of my parents is they are all threats but no action! I could literally be holding a gun to my head and they won’t do anything :P without going into full detail of what I did I attempted suicide and they called me out on how I had fallen back into ANA. I would have been ok but I broke down because the guy who had raped me 2 years ago
(oct. 5th 2008) showed up at my school that day. He tried tackling me when he noticed I refused to pay attention to him and I was walking home. It was a hard day also b/c I had gotten beaten up just a few days before while walking home, yeah these three FAT ASS girls attacked me on my way home and beat me up for 20 min until someone finally stopped them. I’ve still been a bit on edge since.

K but long story short is my parents are watching me UBER hardcore, which means I have to be sneakier then ever! Mostly just binging and purging, not my favorite thing to do but its better than them calling my uncle on me (he is a health doctor or whatever u call them). I was down to 111LB before that day, now I’m back at 118lb and disgusted with the way I look! I’m guessing it’s a lot of water weight or something because I still fit into my size 3 jeans. I’m going to keep wearing them every day that way I can feel them digging in every time I even THINK about eating! I only got like 20lb to lose before I’m finally back to 100lb.

I finally told someone here about what I’ve been doing, and he was actually VERY supportive!!!! :D he is going to help me train so I can lose that 20 pounds fast! And when we hangout he keeps me from eating and he is just sooo supportive!!! I swear once I lose the weight maybe he might even look at me like in a romantically way!!! :D

Today is thanksgiving so it means family day (not just dinner...) I told them I got a stomach ache from eating so much yesterday (ya I had like half a cake but I purged it all (until water came up clear) but they don’t know that part). They believe me and I’m pretty sure are going to be pretty slack today. Ill pretend to munch on some food because I brought a plastic bag to put ‘eaten’ food into. My rents are going to have to be smarter than that to get me to be as fat as them! Hehe!!!!

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