To whom it may concern....

dont be stupid! who the hell WANTS an eating disorder??? I went through 3 months of day treatment at the hospital and i was there for the least amount of time i could. I am now fighting every day to live! dont be stupid, love ur body before its too late!

QUICK NEWS!!!:

- me and KD are still together, over 7 months and we are going really good
- im out of treatment and trying my best to give myself a future!
- this blog is now 100% about recovery and if u ever want to say anything or ask anything have no fear! u will never be yelled at for ur thoughts!

Friday, October 22, 2010

losing control...

thank u for the comments on my previous post, i just had a huge freak out and im ok now.
i know coke is bad for me no duh but it makes that nagging voice of ''eat, eat, wat harm can it do? its only probably 10 cals, dont worry ull run later and burn it off, doooo itttttt'' go away!
uch i cant stand that!
i dont blame ana for that, that is me. i am the one trying to sabotage all my hard work.  to me ana is my only friend, telling me im strong and beautiful, as long as i can resist temptation.  resist the sinful baked goods.
im gonna cut down though, only use it when i am on the edge right? i can do that, its not like i do a lot everyday. (wow i sound actually so stupid but i dont even care...)

OH! and i saw my ex boyfriend yesterday.  hadnt seen/talked to him in a year(when we broke up). i loved him so much, the onnly guy i ever TRULY loved and he left me for another girl(who he was with) but u knwo those movie moments where u cant see anything else and it seems liek time stops? well ive never had that moment before yesterday.  i swear all i could think about was how he probably thought i had gained soo much weight!!! i wish i could have been thinner when i saw him next.... damn!


bleh

im back down to 110.8lb now (had a few days of 111-113lb)

i got a convention this weekend so i dont think i'll be posting unless i need to say something (or ill explode!)

we eat all together but because im not too close with too many of the girls i think i can get away with "oh i ate in my hotelroom, and it was better then this gunk :P LOLS!" type of stuff right? that sounds so legit because all we do on these conventions i swear is eat!!!!
but hey, 3 days of fasting, ill for sure be under 110 when i get back!!

WISH ME LUCK!!!! (worst comes to worst i got my lax and ill just purge in my room).

2 comments:

Starving Artist said...

Good luck! Keep that belly full of water! It makes things so much easier if you do.

Almost.Skinny said...

Good luck!! I hope it's going ok- can't wait for your next post xxx