To whom it may concern....

dont be stupid! who the hell WANTS an eating disorder??? I went through 3 months of day treatment at the hospital and i was there for the least amount of time i could. I am now fighting every day to live! dont be stupid, love ur body before its too late!


- me and KD are still together, over 7 months and we are going really good
- im out of treatment and trying my best to give myself a future!
- this blog is now 100% about recovery and if u ever want to say anything or ask anything have no fear! u will never be yelled at for ur thoughts!

Friday, October 15, 2010

too many thoughts....

my head is aching!

ok so a quick update:
-day three was going great, no liquids other then water and coke
- after work there was an award thing at my school and i was to get an award as well (for getting on honor roll all year last year!) my dad makes me go and for a minute while sitting there waiting for my name i was actually so excited..... i was happy, not thinking about how id look walking up there, or all the people who would be looking at me, judging me on how i look, what im wearing. then i look to the side and see on the other side of the gym my mother. that was the first time i had seen her since july..... i started to cry and then all my nerves came back. i cant really explain my relationship with my mother but jsut believe that she is the reason that i'm broken. every so often in posts i might explain a bit more here and there.
- get my award, get home (got away before she could catch up with me to talk to me)
- me and my cousin get in a HUGE fight, yelling, screaming, tears and all
- ends with me downing like 3 of those carb and fat blockers and BINGING! and when i say binging i really mean EATING EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE!!!!! i swear i probably gained a million pounds.

k bleh i hate this!

today i threw up all morning, just water mostly but i just wanted to make sure i got EVERYTHING out my stomach . and took a bunch of laxatives and drank so much salt water. think i got everything out my system. ran for 30 min and walked for an hour and a half. might go to the gym tonight if i can get away with it.... gotta be extra sneaky now b/c i got everyone on major watch and i'm a terrible lier.....

right now im jsut reading and commenting on every blog i see, need something to keep me busy........

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