ok so a quick update:
-day three was going great, no liquids other then water and coke
- after work there was an award thing at my school and i was to get an award as well (for getting on honor roll all year last year!) my dad makes me go and for a minute while sitting there waiting for my name i was actually so excited..... i was happy, not thinking about how id look walking up there, or all the people who would be looking at me, judging me on how i look, what im wearing. then i look to the side and see on the other side of the gym my mother. that was the first time i had seen her since july..... i started to cry and then all my nerves came back. i cant really explain my relationship with my mother but jsut believe that she is the reason that i'm broken. every so often in posts i might explain a bit more here and there.
- get my award, get home (got away before she could catch up with me to talk to me)
- me and my cousin get in a HUGE fight, yelling, screaming, tears and all
- ends with me downing like 3 of those carb and fat blockers and BINGING! and when i say binging i really mean EATING EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE!!!!! i swear i probably gained a million pounds.
k bleh i hate this!
today i threw up all morning, just water mostly but i just wanted to make sure i got EVERYTHING out my stomach . and took a bunch of laxatives and drank so much salt water. think i got everything out my system. ran for 30 min and walked for an hour and a half. might go to the gym tonight if i can get away with it.... gotta be extra sneaky now b/c i got everyone on major watch and i'm a terrible lier.....
right now im jsut reading and commenting on every blog i see, need something to keep me busy........