now that i got ur attention :P
lols k so its 1:30am on a friday and im dying!
i cant sleep
i havent been to school, or anywhere
jsut home and the gym (and my 2 shifts at work)
im depressed, my grandpa is dead, or dying.... he has a brain tumor, its taken him over, he isnt there anymore. i've givin up completely.
i have nothing left
i have no reason to get up. i've lost all my friends here. i've lost everything. even my family. my stepmom didnt realize i was home and was talking with my dad. she said she knows everything im doing is 'jsut for attentnion' and how she 'cant handle me anymore'. my dad came home and yelled at me to stop all my shit because it was too much for him to handle with his father dying. i know i picked a bad time, but i want help, i want to be able to look at myself in the mirror again. i have no mirror, did i tell u? i smashed it b/c i couldnt look at myself anymore.
i bet u guys know the feeling of trying to hide all ur habits in fear of people knowing, but do u know wat its like to cry out for help, and be told that they dont have time?
i'm finally at that point where i cant go on, i want help, i cant live forever like this. im down to under 110 btw. my chest hurts, my ribs are lookin nice. legs still fat, ass still there.
but i hurt, i have no strength. i have to will to eat, or drink, or move. i cant sleep.
it hurts too much to know that i cant get help. why even want wat u cant have right? they dont believe me, i guess they'll only believe me when im dead and bone. at least ill die thin......
- me and KD are still together, over 7 months and we are going really good
- im out of treatment and trying my best to give myself a future!
- this blog is now 100% about recovery and if u ever want to say anything or ask anything have no fear! u will never be yelled at for ur thoughts!